The past couple of weeks have been rough. DD2’s SPD has reared its ugly head multiple times and kept her from taking the PSAT, and had her digging at her arms in her vet class. It is times like these when I need to give myself a “rainbow pep-talk”. Apparently that’s how my son thinks of it when I make myself look at things from the positive side. It’s so easy to let myself think negatively, and my son is prone to be glum, so I try to remember to seek out the silver linings.
So what silver lining can possibly be found when the call comes to let me know my sixteen year old is so agitated that she’s crying, pulling her hair, and digging at her arms? Honestly, it first takes a couple of minutes to step over the negative feelings spilling all over the floor. Then, you remember that the class is full of compassionate young ladies (and two young men) who have not teased DD2 about these times and who want to help her. Next you think of how great the two teachers are who are working their hardest to help DD2 and who still have confidence that she can succeed in their class.
Then you go to conferences and hear the lead teacher describing your daughter to a T, being able to read quite a bit in DD2’s body language. Then you learn what the supporting teacher does to give your daughter needed space when DD2 isn’t even aware of it. You hear the honesty of how they both perceive this child and know that they don’t see her as a problem child, but rather a child with a problem. They are willing to treat her as an adult and hold her to the same standards as the rest of the class, while giving her options for dealing with her anxieties.
It also helps to lean on a friend who has a child the same age with ADHD and heavy sensory issues. We’ve been leaning on each other for many years. Even though our kids aren’t identical in their challenges, there are enough similarities that our empathy is deep with first-hand understanding.
Why do I feel the need to be positive in the face of a negative situation? Moms are barometers for their homes. If my kids see me give up on something, why would they work to make it better? DH quickly adopts my negative moods. Most importantly, it isn’t healthy to remain in the negative. I can throw a whopper of a pity party (and I have, many times), but it doesn’t do any good. Finding the positive things about a bad situation isn’t always easy, but back in May when our car was hit and we were okay, after the first shock let up, my oldest quipped, “Well, you guys were thinking about getting a new car anyway” and the kids and I burst into laughter.
A legacy of laughter. That’s what I want for my family: to be able to find the good, positive, or even silly things in the face of adversity.